Jackie Chan Crossover Madness!
by Chris Gammon
Summary: R&R PLEASE! You won't regret this trip of madness! {CHAP 3 UP!) Hillarious fic with everything Jackie and then some! Dective Carter, uninvited guests and guest villians make an appearence! This story was birthed in a high school lunchroom among friends!
1. It Begins!

All was quiet in the shop of antiques that Uncle ran. He had everyone working hard on sweeping, dusting, and cleaning. Jade was dusting a priceless vase and had balanced on the shelf it was upon.  
  
"AH-YA! JADE DON'T DO THAT! THAT IS A PRICELESS VASE FROM THE MING DIANSTY! IT HOLDS.."  
  
"Mystic power and ancient secrets. Yeah, yeah I know." Jade finished, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Jade. Get down now!" Jackie commanded, pointing to the floor.  
  
"Sorry Uncle Jackie!" she said playfully and slid down to the floor.  
  
"JACKIE! There is someone at the door! He keeps talking to fast and asking if I understand the words he's saying! I can't take it!" He said, squatting and pointing his finger in the air. (you know how he does)  
  
Jackie bit his lip. There was only one man he knew that annoying, and he was miles away. Or was he?  
  
"HEY JACKIE! HOW'S IT GOIN MY BOY!" an all to familiar voice rang out, and a man was standing in the doorway.  
  
"Jade, I want you to meet, Detective Carter." Jackie said half excited.  
  
ROLL TITLE SEQUENCE  
  
"I thought you were still on the force!" Jackie said pointing at Carter.  
  
"I am, but I took my vacation! I saw you in the window out here and thought I would say hi!"  
  
"You were a police officer Uncle Jackie?!" Jade said hugging Jackie's leg. "How come you never told me?" She changed and spun around crossing her arms. She glared at the floor, making a guilt trip like she always dose.  
  
"Oh Jade! Your Uncle Jackie was the best on the force! He cleaned up the Bronx, stopped bad guys acting like the FBI, posed as a chef on TV, and even stopped terrorists!"  
  
(In case you didn't know, this is Rumble In The Bronx, First Strike, Mr. Nice Guy, and Operation: Condor) (DUH!)  
  
"I'll tell you about the time he stopped a crazy Chinese dude from blowing up a little girl and then cleaned up the whole Triad in China! When we go to Wally World!" (Again Rush Hour 1 and 2) (also, I make an assumption that they knew each other all along when he first came to America, since his first American movie was Rumble In The Bronx. I'm not even gonna include all the Police Story flicks. Supercop is also included, but we don't hear about it.)  
  
(In case you didn't know I had a friend in high School obsessed with Jackie Chan. So I know all this, and plotted out this whole story with him in the lunchroom everyday. It gets pretty crazy soon!)  
  
"OH, PLEASE UNCLE JACKIE! CAN I GO?! PLEASE?!" Jade pleaded, hugging Jackie's leg again.  
  
"AH-YA! Too many distractions!" Uncle mumbled to himself as he walked by in the background, waving his finger in the air.  
  
"Can we, Uncle Jackie? Please!" Carter asked with a cheesy smile. Jade followed his lead, and soon they were off to Wally World.  
  
"How can we clean when no one is around?! I cannot believe you let her go with so much work to do!"  
  
Uncle looked over his shoulder.  
  
"AH-YA!!!!!!!! MY VASE! IT IS RUINED!" Uncle began trying to put the pieces back together, forgetting what he was ranting about earlier.  
  
Jackie just shook his head and sighed. "It is gonna be a long.."  
  
"MONTH!" Jackie asked shocked.  
  
"Yeah! My vacation is a month long! Unless something comes up or something." He said touching a suit of armor, making it fall to the ground.  
  
"Jade told me all about how you fight demons and this crazy blonde dude. What was his name again?"  
  
"Valmont!" Jade said smiling at Carter. Her Wally World hat on her head and her Wally balloon. She had a big fluff of Cotton Candy in front of her green Wally shirt. She hugged her stuffed Wally with her free arm.  
  
"Right! Valmont. Said he has a guy named Hawk-Fu that screams all these weird animal names and stuff. We never had dudes like this at my job!"  
  
Jackie's eye began to twitch, Carter's running was driving him crazy. But then he realized he forgot all about Valmont. What was he up to? It has been pretty quite lately.  
  
"So anyway, I was wondern if I can come along and check out all this super cool demon stuff." "NO!" "SURE!" Jackie and Jade screamed at the same time. Jackie sighed and shook his head once more.  
  
"Please Uncle Jackie?" they asked in unison. Both wore cheesy smiles.  
  
"Alright, you can come along. But don't get in the way. You can help, but not screw things up!" Jackie warned, raising his finger.  
  
"AH-YA! To much dust! Dose anyone around here know how to clean anymore? Tohru! Where is my tea?" Uncle walked by in the background again, going the other way. His finger was high in the air as he disappeared behind the wall.  
  
"You just stay out of Uncle's way. OW!" Jackie turned around to see Uncle behind him. He had hit him on the head like he always dose.  
  
"No Jackie! Crazy Loudmouthed-Man cannot stay here! Too destructive and to noisy!"  
  
Jade frowned as Uncle walked off. She looked up at Jackie with her bottom lip pouting out.  
  
"Just really stay out of Uncle's way." Jackie said. Jade smiled. 


	2. Despertly Seeking Miaygi

Jackie stretched and walked downstairs to see what all the noise was about. He saw Carter sitting next to Jade in her nightshirt, playing videogames. At 2:00 in the morning!  
  
"Carter! Jade must get some sleep, she has to go to school!" Jackie screamed.  
  
"Naw she don't it's only Friday, or Saturday now!" Carter argued. Jade laughed at his logic, but knew he was right.  
  
Jackie couldn't argue with that, he just hoped Uncle didn't...  
  
"AH-YA! WHAT IS WITH ALL THE NOISE! I CANNOT SLEEP!"  
  
..hear. It was to late now.  
  
"CRAZY LOUDMOUTH-MAN! IF YOU ARE GOING TO DEFY ME, AT LEAST DO IT QUIETLY!" Uncle yelled, not bothering to come down.  
  
"SORRY UNCLE! WE'LL KEEP QUIET!" Jade yelled back, turning the TV down. She couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Well, seeing as how we're all awake. I can make breakfast!" Carter said getting up.  
  
"YEA!" "NO!" Jade and Jackie yelled together.  
  
"OKAY! I'll make bacon, eggs, the works! You won't regret it!"  
  
A few hours later, Jackie was putting out a fire with the nearby extinguisher.  
  
"Jade. Go get dressed, we got a busy day today! And as for you," Jackie said point at Carter. ",don't mess anything else up. I want you to stay for Jade's sake. But Uncle really doesn't like you. I can't argue with his authority. So keep him happy!"  
  
"Don't worry bro! I'll take care of everything!" Carter said in another smile that was full of lies.  
  
This was going to be a long day indeed.  
  
Everyone filed out to Section 13. Carter had a blindfold on to keep the location secret from him.  
  
"How come I have to wear a blindfold, and no one else dose?" Carter protested as he was led through a door.  
  
"Because, loudmouths like you are a threat to our security." A gruff voice replied. The blindfold was removed and a bald man was revealed.  
  
"Hey, baldy! Who the hell do you think you are?!" Carter asked, crossing his arms.  
  
"And what's with this rundown joint? Looks like a basement!"  
  
"I am Captain Black of Section 13, and I OWN THIS RUNDOWN JOINT!" he barked. He regained his composure and apologized.  
  
"I herd of you. This is that big secret government thingy! Jade told me all about the Tailismans and the Panku Box. Are these it over there?"  
  
Carter began running toward the table with the Tailismans on it, almost shattering the glass dome around them.  
  
"NO YOU FOOL!" Captain Black yelled, holding up his hand in a stop manner.  
  
Carter stopped before anything was broken.  
  
"Sorry Cap! Hey.uh." Carter stopped, looking over at an empty table.  
  
"What?" Captain Black asked, crossing his arms.  
  
"Shouldn't that box thingy be on that table?" Carter asked, unsure.  
  
Everyone else followed where his finger was pointing and saw that it was indeed missing!  
  
Jackie wondered how Uncle would take this news.  
  
THE SHOP  
  
"Uncle, hurry up! I need to use the bathroom!" Tohru said knocking on a door in front of him.  
  
"AH-YA! This is a laboratory! Not a lavatory!" Uncle's muffled voice called from behind the door.  
  
"Oh, then you might want to watch where you step then."  
  
A squish was herd followed by a loud "AY-YAAAA!" and Tohru walked off, shaking his head.  
  
SECTION 13 (Again)  
  
"If the box is missing, where is it?" Jackie asked worried.  
  
"Well, we know that Shendu can't re-open the doors, that we know of. If he found a way, then it would be a difficult mission to re-trap them. Maybe if we mount an assault on Valmont's lair, we can retieve the box before it can be used for that purpose."  
  
"Now all we need is someone to get caught and distract the guy, ya know? Someone crazy or loud, or a real attention getter!" Carter said rubbing his hands together.  
  
"Wh..why is everyone lookin' at me?" he asked, suddenly not smiling anymore.  
  
All eyes were upon him, and silence fell.  
  
"Aw.no! Naw naw naw naw naw naw! There is no way I'm..."  
  
OUTSIDE VALMONT'S LAIR (a few hours later)  
  
".gonna do it. No way no how! There is no way in the world I will." Carter kept protesting. Apparently, he hadn't shut up since the last few hours.  
  
"SHUT UP!" everyone said in unison. Carter sank into his seat and eyed everyone. Only Jade smiled and gave him thumbs up. Carter smiled and signaled back.  
  
"Okay, everyone. You know the plan. Loudmouth here."  
  
"Man the name is Carter! Foo!" Carter said.  
  
Captain Black changed his speech.  
  
"Okay.Carter." He gritted his teeth, trying not to kill him. "Will go in and cause a distraction. We will rush in and find it."  
  
"What if it is not there?" Jackie asked, worried that Shendu foresaw their attempt.  
  
"Then we'll sincerely apologize and leave quietly." Black said smiling sarcastically.  
  
"You won't leave me there right? I mean you'd come back for me right?" Carter asked nervously.  
  
Everyone else looked away whistling. The silence said it all.  
  
"Don't worry I will.MMPH!" Jade was muffled out by Jackie's hand, who was still looking away with a smile.  
  
"Man why you gotta play me like that?" Carter asked crossing his arms.  
  
INSIDE VALMONT'S LAIR  
  
"Ya know Big V. if we had the box we'd give it to you." Finn said, tugging at his collar.  
  
"Yeah, ya see, an old dude had it, and we mugged him for it," Chow added.  
  
"AND?!" Shendu's voice rang out from Valmont.  
  
"Well, he sort of.uh.." Chow trailed off.  
  
"He mugged us back!" Ratso said, with an odd feeling of proudness they were beat up by a fossil. The other two slapped their forheads, as Valmont floated down to face Ratso.  
  
"YOU IDIOTS MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU GOT YOUR ASSES KICKED BY AN OLD MAN!" Shendu bellowed.  
  
"Well, he had minty breath." Ratso said, raising a finger.  
  
Valmont's hand shot out with inhuman speed, grabbing and twisting his arm at the blink of an eye.  
  
"GHAA!" he yelled as he dropped to one knee.  
  
"WHAT DID THIS MAN LOOK LIKE?"  
  
"He looked like that guy, out of those movies from the 80's ya know.uh..what were they?" Finn asked looking at Chow.  
  
"Karate Kid! That's it" Chow said. "Mister Miyagi or something"  
  
Valmont released his grip, making Ratso fall to the floor. He flew up to Finn and Chow and hissed a demonic hiss.  
  
"FOOLS! HE IS A CHI-SORCERER! HE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN CHAN'S UNCLE! IF HE HAS THE BOX, HE COULD PRACTIALLY DESTROY MY ENTIRE REALM!" Shendu was flaming mad, seriously. Flame was coming out of his mouth!  
  
"And that's a bad thing right?" Ratso asked, rasing his finger in the air, still on his stomach.  
  
"OF COURSE IT IS YOU TWIT!"  
  
"Why not just send Hawk-Foo? He could easily match the old man in skill." Valmont spoke, managing to regain control of his body.  
  
Shendu took over again. "YOU FOOL! HE CAN'T EVEN BEAT CHAN! HOW CAN HE COMAPRE?"  
  
"Well, Chan gets buy on luck and cunning. An old dude like that wouldn't have the speed to plan out on his feet. He'd have to fight." Finn replied, smiling at the thought that Hawk-Foo would get pounded by the old dude also.  
  
"VERY WELL! VALMONT, DISPATCH HIM AND SOME SHADOWKAHN!" Shendu waved Valmont's hand, making several of the shadow ninjas appear.  
  
"AW SHIT MAN!" Carter tried to whisper, loudly. "You didn't tell me that he could do that!"  
  
"It is alright, they won't hurt anyone unless told to." Jackie said, the radio was snatched from his hand. Captain Black had a grim look on his face, as if disappointed. But was it not finding the box or was it..  
  
"Okay, Carter, you can come out now." He replied, dryly. Jackie smiled, knowing that Black didn't want Carter to come back. It was funny watching these entirely opposite parties being confined to the same space.  
  
LATER  
  
"Okay people, we have to find this Miyagi character. Any ideas?" Captain Black asked, clasping his hands together. He looked back and forth over the crowd of three. Carter was the only one with his hand raised, waving it like a grade school kid needing to go potty.  
  
Captain Black gritted his teeth then let his arms fall to his sides. He let out a long sigh and pointed at Carter.  
  
"How about you?" he asked, acting badly surprised.  
  
"We can try the phone book! I seen this Miyagi dude before man he's badass! He was all like WHOO AH YAH HA! And shit, and he had this dude named Karate Kid, and a chick that became the next Karate Kid, and is a cool dude that used to sell Colgate toothpaste..and.and..uh.and.let's try the phone book!" He finally concluded stopping his sorry karate moves he tried to learn from Jackie on the force.  
  
Captain Black took his fingers out of his ears. It was a futile attempt, but muffled out the annoying pitch of his voice.  
  
"Right..." he said, eyeing Carter like he needed a drug test or something.  
  
He was desperate for any ideas at all. Even Jade had to have a better plan than that.thing over there. Captain Black though this as he eyed Carter, not standing still, but not moving either. He wondered how Carter was able to stand still, and move at the same time. And how did he talk so damn fast?  
  
He wanted to lash out and yell, BACK TO THE NETHERWORLD DEMON! But that wouldn't work. Seeing as the Demons would just throw him back. And knowing him, he would idiotically lead the demons out to their world. Captain Black shuddered at that thought, but figured that at least Carter would be destroyed. A small price to pay for..  
  
"Captain Black!" Jade said tugging his pant leg.  
  
"HUH?!" he asked snapping back to reality, and losing his smile.  
  
"Sorry, I was lost in thought." He said rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
"Jackie asked Uncle about that guy, and Uncle said that he was his uncle! Isn't that kewl!" Jade said, excited that she gets to see her great grand uncle for the first time, and save the world.  
  
Captain Black smiled at the easy answer to his problem. But the smile faded as he looked at Carter and realized the risk factor of taking him along in battle.  
  
He shook the thought out of his head, and agreed to rendezvous at the antique shop. He was gong to regret whatever feeling he had of Carter doing something risky, dangerous, stupid, or only possible by him, all three at once. 


	3. The Alliance Of Madness

"We have got to get that Pan-Ku Box back! I have called all of you here to ask for your assistance!" Shendu said. There was a large gathering of villains that Jackie had fought in the past. Even Spring-Heeled Jack was there.  
  
"In order to get the Pan-Ku box back, we must first order an attack!" Jack said in his sing-song tone.  
  
"Dao-Lon Wong, I take it that we have formed an unholy alliance?" Shendu asked the short wizard.  
  
"Yes. Seeing as how we fail separately, we will succeed together! And with your henchmen turned into Enforcers now, they're practically immortal!"  
  
Shendu looked over at Finn, Ratso, and Chow. Now they were red with blue markings, and had skill they never had before. But deep down, Shendu and Valmont knew they were still buffoons.  
  
Hawk-Foo showed promise. Unlike the other Enforcers, he did not go "poof" as he puts it, when he is crushed.  
  
"All I need are the Talismans and I can re-activate the Pan-Ku Box, therefore releasing your brothers and sisters once more! With our combined forces, nothing can stop us!!!!!" Dao-Lon Wong began ranting.  
  
"Our combined forces make Jackie nothing, soon he will be the one suffering!" Jack said.  
  
A big blonde man with a ponytail and glasses approached. (This is the guy from Rumble in the Bronx, the fake FBI agent.)  
  
"Mr. Shendu, sir. My men are ready, should we go after Jackie?"  
  
"Yes, all of you will get a turn to tire him out. Then when he can no longer continue, we will unveil our alliance and rule the world!" Shendu said.  
  
"So you're just gonna parade villain after villain until Jackie is too pooped to pot?" Enforcer Finn asked.  
  
"Basically." Valmont said, gaining brief control.  
  
"YES! THEN JACKIE WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM!" Shendu said in an overjoyed growl of fire.  
  
"This will be like a marathon of making Jackie suffer!" Enforcer Ratso said.  
  
"I dunno. I never liked reality TV." Enforcer Chow said.  
  
"Why don't you three go to the buffet for a while?" Valmont asked.  
  
"SURE!" the three replied in unison, and walked off toward the table.  
  
"That ought to keep them busy for a while!" Valmont said, looking at his reflection, seeing Shendu's face over his.  
  
"I just hope that when it's their turn to fight, they don't ruin our surprise." Shendu said.  
  
"It was nice of Dao-Lon to free you from the Section 13 vault. And re- summon your spirit into me. After all, your more mobile this way." Valmont said.  
  
"I don't trust him. I turned on him and wound up in that vault. The only reason he'd free me after what I did, is if he wanted to use me for something!" Shendu said.  
  
"I think this is legit. If not, you still have the box. You can trap him in that." Valmont said.  
  
"I just don't know. I just don't know." Shendu said, as Dao-Lon approached to talk.  
  
The chi-vampire went to sit down and the Monkey King had placed a Whoopie Cushion on the chair. Everyone laughed except Shendu and Dao-Lon.  
  
Gun, Chui, and Ren (Dao-Lon's original warriors) approached. "Can we go to the buffet too?" they asked together.  
  
The two evil beings sighed. This was going to be fun indeed.  
  
Chang and Yip were busy cursing at the ignorance of the J-Team clones, 2.0 mind you.  
  
Meanwhile at Section 13..  
  
"So Carter, you will find this Miyagi guy and get the box from him. Jackie, you keep an eye on the Talismans, make sure that that Dao-Lon fella doesn't get them." He turned to Carter, "Shendu and Dao-Lon hate each other so it's best to not let them get weapons to fight with."  
  
"Right, right. Hey Jackie, I found this guy that said he knew you from when you were on the Emperor of China's service." Carter said.  
  
"Who?" Jackie asked.  
  
"Man, this place blows more than England." A voice said.  
  
Roy O'Bannon (Shanghai Noon/Nights) came in with a beautiful Asian woman on his arm (Shanghai Nights)  
  
"I don't know man, your sister wanted to see you, said it was important." Roy said, looking around, unsure of his surroundings.  
  
"You didn't break her heart did you, because you know I'll break your legs!" Jackie said with a smile.  
  
"Who are you?" Jade asked.  
  
"Well, you see I'm Roy. We met when I was an outlaw in a backwater town, I found out he was a royal guard. We became friends, then went to England to kick some butt. I fell for his sister and the rest is history." Roy said.  
  
"You have a sister, AND you were serving China's Emperor? Man! You never tell me anything!" Jade said acting frustrated.  
  
Jackie rolled his eyes. "What is it Liu?" he asked.  
  
"I found out a big plan involving two very immense forces! They seek to combine their powers and destroy the world!"  
  
"Who?" Jackie asked.  
  
Meanwhile Roy and Carter were finding out they shared a lot of common interest. They then proceeded to wander around Section 13 and getting in trouble.  
  
"I don't know their names, nor have I seen them before. They kept mentioning your name and saying something about monsters. They sent the FBI after you!" Liu said.  
  
"FBI?" Before Jackie could finish, a spray of bullets ripped through the doors and walls.  
  
"How did they find this area? Only someone pretending to be in the government could glean the information to find this place!" Capt. Black said, reading the troops.  
  
Carter and Roy were doing like Scooby and Shaggy, with Roy in Carter's arms.  
  
The door finally came open, and a tall man in glasses and a blonde pony-tail walked in. He wore a suit and looked very smug.  
  
"CHAN! Let's finish this!" the man said.  
  
"Oh dear." Jackie said. "I remember that guy back from when I was helping another uncle in the Bronx of New York. He wanted to sell his store, but a gang messed up that idea. I went after them and befriended a girl and her wheel-chair bound son. The gang was sorry for what they did, but got mixed up with THIS guy and his friends in a diamond smuggling ring. One of the gang members got the wood-chipper for knowing the truth."  
  
"And I got a wood-chipper ready for you Chan! Remember the football helmet you bruised my face with? And the wrench you threatened me with?" thus a fight began, the first of many to come folks.  
  
"Man, I need to sit down with Uncle Jackie and ask him exactly what he did before he came here!" Jade said, shaking her head.  
  
Elsewhere..  
  
"Oh, Jade. I miss you so. What I wouldn't give to see you again." A small, imp looking thing with wings sighed to himself. It was lonely in this void, but Shendu promised freedom once again. Could he re-gain his lost friendship? Patch his holes? 


End file.
